


Be Good

by MichelleM



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec justs wants to be good, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:24:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9896321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleM/pseuds/MichelleM
Summary: Alec Lightwood must be goodThis is what he tells himself when he has those thoughts about boysbegoodbegood





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot I came up with listenting to Jaymes Young's "I'll Be Good"  
> TRIGGER WARNING this contains internalized homophobia  
> Not beta-read, so all mistakes are my own

Age 3 and Alec says the wrong thing, says that a boy is  _ cute _

His mother tells him he is  _ bad _ , that thinking boys are cute is bad, and he  _ must be good _

He sees the disappointment in his father’s eyes and makes this his new mantra 

_ BeGoodbegoodbegood _

He tells himself when he has  _ that kind of thought  _ about boys, when he fails, when he is “ _ not good” _

And  _ begoodbegoodbe g o o d _

Always be  _ good  _

Alec Lightwood must always be good. 

~~~ 

Age 11, and there’s a cute boy living with them. 

The boy is  _ good  _

All sunlight and angelic, his parent’s new favorite. 

This boy is _good_ , not tainted by impure thoughts

Alec wants him 

Alec is bad

_ Begoodbegoodbegood  _

He repeats it in his head, until he can get rid of the thoughts 

_ (He can’t) _

And  _ begoodbegoodbe g o o d _

Always be  _ good  _

~~~ 

Age 15 and the good boy and he are parabatai, and Alec needs to be  _ good  _ not think about this, think about  _ him  _ like that. It’s not good, and he must always be good.

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

He is not good

~~~~~ 

He’s not good, but this is worse than not good, this is  **_w r o n g_ **

He’s in love with Magnus Bane. 

A warlock

A  _ man  _

Alec Lightwood is not good

~~~~

He’s finally  _ good _

He’s saving the family name, marrying a woman, and he is  _ good _ .

Magnus is here now, but that doesn’t matter, can’t matter 

_ Begoodbegoodbegoodbego- _

But Magnus says he is good, that wanting him is not the opposite of  _ be good _

_ BegoodbegoodbegoodbegOOD _

Alec Lightwood is good

~~~~ 

There are words hurled his way, wondering when he stopped being  _ good _ when he let a Downworlder, a warlock, a  _ man  _ make him notgood

And Alec finally gets it, finally. 

He is not the one who is  _ notgood _

The one who is _notgood_ is the one who hates

He is  _ good  _

_ His love for Magnus is  _ good

This is what he says to the words flying his way, the words meant to be laced with barbed wire, but instead land like snow on his ears, cold, but melting under the heat of his realization that he is good, that Magnus Bane is good, that the love that they have for each other is  _ GOOD _

_ ~~~~  _

It’s years later, and Alec is able to smile, to laugh to  _ love _ .

And when his sons (and who would have ever thought that  _ Alec Lightwood  _ would have children?) ask him if they’re good, if the love they have for their respective boyfriend’s (and in Rafe’s case, boy and girlfriend) is good, he smiles so wide it threatens to split his face in two, and he answers  _ yes, yes you’re good, love is good. _

_ ~~~  _

_ Alec Lightwood is  _ GOOD. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought, and come talk to me about Shadowhunters (and a bunch of other fandoms) on tumblr at malec-clace-sizzy-delena-clizzy


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